


Plan In Place

by Random_Gay_Writer



Category: Malcolm in the Middle
Genre: But This Will Be A Lot, Suicidal Thoughts, There Is A Nice Ending, suicide plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:08:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Gay_Writer/pseuds/Random_Gay_Writer
Summary: Reese finds something horrifying, but he isn't entirely certain how to handle it. His family may be a mess, but they come together when it really counts.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 101





	Plan In Place

Reese wasn't an idiot; even though everyone thought he was, he really wasn't. Sure, he wasn't always as fast or smart as his brothers, but he did pick up on clues and actually enjoyed reading at times. He just learned from his brothers that when you show potential, people expect a whole lot from you. If he played dumb, nothing was expected from him, he could be overlooked.

He remembered that Malcolm usually hid his money in books, so when Reese needed an extra twenty bucks for a new video game, he began shaking every book in the house looking for money. He had found a handful of ones by the time he got to some nerd book about advanced cybernetics, even the title confused the family. He shook it upside down and was surprised when a small packet of pages fell onto the floor.

He furrowed his brows and put the book on Malcolm's desk before kneeling down to grab the papers; It was a letter written by Malcolm. Reese smirked and went to his bed to read them. He assumed it was going to be a dorky love letter or a list of future pranks, something he could use against his brother.

Reese was more than a little shocked when he realized what he was actually reading. It was three drafts and then a final version of a suicide letter. The three drafts had scribbles and multiple starts to a few lines. The last one took up nearly the entire page and was written very clearly.

_**Dear family,** _

_**This was a tough decision, but I thought about it a lot. It was an inevitability that I think we all saw coming. I can't breathe most of the time, I feel like I'm never good enough. I know I'm a jerk, I know I'm rude, I know I'm sarcastic and arrogant and inconsiderate. This isn't to hurt you, any of you. I love you all so much. I know we don't say it a lot, but I truly hope you all know how much I love you.** _

_**I didn't feel any pain. Don't worry about that, I did all the research and I made sure to do it the quickest and most painless way. I just fell asleep, I promise. I felt nothing, just went to sleep and never woke up. It's really the best thing to hope for when dying.** _

_**I don't want you to worry when you see my body either. I have some scars on my arms and thighs, they're from a long time ago. I made sure to put them where no one would see and kept them hidden at all times. No one saw them, it's not just you guys that didn't.** _

_**I'm happy now. It'll be better now. Reese and Dewey can have all my clothing and toys. If they don't want my telescope I want that to go to the krelboyns as well as the purple notebook filled with mathematics equations. I have all of my notes from every class I've ever taken in a binder in my desk, there are also notes for nearly every class at that school. They'll help Reese and Dewey, and maybe even Jamie get through high school since I'm gone.** _

_**I love you mom, I love you dad, I love you Francis, I love you Reese, I love you Dewey, I love you Jamie.** _

_**I'm sad I won't get to see you guys anymore, but I needed to do this. I'm sorry for any pain I cause you with this, that is not my intention.** _

_**I love you all,** _

_**Malcolm** _

Reese read the letter five times and still didn't fully believe it. He knew Malcolm was mopey and had a bleak outlook on the world most of the time, but he didn't know it went this far. He didn't realize how bad it was for his brother. He didn’t even sound sad in the letter, he seemed calm and at peace. He wasn’t insulting anyone or blaming anyone for it, Malcolm seemed to have been at complete peace when writing the letter that was intended to be read after his death.

Reese had no idea what to do about it now that he knew.

He ended up putting the papers back in the book when he heard Malcolm come home. He then went to take a shower so he didn't have to face his brother and could think about what he was going to do.

It was a few days later when he could do more. He rushed home after school, knowing Malcolm would be joining his mother for work at the Lucky Aide until dinner. It would give him the time he needed.

He went to their room, putting his backpack on his bed before starting to look through Malcolm's stuff. He looked through his dresser first, then his desk where he found the binder full of notes Malcolm had mentioned. He sat on the floor to look through it; the notes were very detailed and legible. He even had tips and tricks individualized for Reese and Dewey's learning styles. The binder was separated by subject and then separated further by exact class.

Reese was stunned by all the work and realized that something this in depth would have taken awhile, even for his genius brother. His mind tried to figure out how long this would take to do, how long Malcolm had been planning this. It sent a shiver down his spine when he realized it could have easily been weeks if not a few months.

He put the binder back into the desk before going to the bed Malcolm and Dewey shared. He checked under the bed but was sure he wouldn't find anything there. Then he began feeling under Malcolm's side of the mattress to see if anything was hidden there.

"He doesn't hide his money there." Dewey's voice shocked Reese.

The older brother looked up at him. The younger boy was standing in the doorway looking at his brother casually, he didn't look angry or even really interested. It was not the first time nor would it be the last time one of them had rummaged through the others things.

"He has most of it hidden out in the garage now. I think he made a compartment in the wall to hide it though, because I can't find it."

"I'm not looking for money, Dewey." Reese sighed and went back to feeling around under the mattress.

"Well then what are you looking for? We all know he keeps his dirty magazines in the top of the closet in that old dufflebag." The younger brother commented while coming up to the bed, standing next to his side of the bed to watch Reese.

"I'm not looking for dirty magazines." The older brother rolled his eyes. "This is... serious."

His voice got softer and more worried as he finally found something and pushed four bottles of sleeping pills to the edge of the bed. He took them all out from under the mattress to look at them. The tamper proof seals were still on all of them, Malcolm had four completely full bottles of sleeping pills under his mattress... and a suicide note on his shelf. Reese knew from experience that something of this size could easily be shoplifted from a store, that way there would be no receipt for anyone to find and no money missing for anyone to question.

"Why does Malcolm have four bottles of sleeping pills under his side of the bed?" Dewey asked confused.

He moved to sit on the bed to lean over to look at them more.

"Think he's going to use it on mom and dad? Is there a party coming up?" He wondered innocently.

Reese felt his heart ache for his sweet younger brother, he was too young and sweet to connect the dots of why a miserable teenager would have bottles of sleeping pills hidden.

"No, I don't think so." Reese spoke quietly.

He reached under the mattress again and heard himself groaning when he felt a glass bottle. He pulled it out from under the mattress as well and ran a hand through his hair when the unopened pint of vodka came into view.

"Are you sure there isn't a party?" Dewey asked with a laugh.

His laugh soon dropped when he looked up to see his brothers face; it looked so broken and worried, Dewey was taken aback by it. Reese had rarely ever looked like this, only when things were incredibly bad.

"Reese, if there isn't a party, why would Malcolm have this?" He asked softly, truly not understanding what this meant.

"If someone takes too many sleeping pills, they can die. If they take sleeping pills with alcohol, they could die. If... if... someone would need to have the worlds strongest stomach to be able to take all of these pills with this alcohol and not die."

"Is Malcolm going to take them and die?"

"We won't let him." Reese assured his brother. "You can't tell anyone, and you have to treat Malcolm like normal. If he thinks anything is up it could be bad."

Dewey looked at Reese a bit curiously then, he wasn't used to this side of his brother.

"When did you get so smart?" He asked playfully.

"Shut up." Reese chuckled and punched his chest much lighter than he was able to.

Reese put the pills and alcohol back, then helped Dewey to act normal around Malcolm.

Reese did research, a truly stunning amount that would have shocked his family had he let them know he was researching. He made up detention to not have to explain that he was at the library.

Another late night for Malcolm and Lois combined with Dewey guilting their dad into taking him to the movie, left Reese free to do what he needed in the house

"Hello?" Francis answered the phone when he heard the ringing.

He saw that it was the home number for his family, but it honestly could have been any member of the family calling him.

"Hey, Francis, I need some advice." Reese told him.

Before Reese had even fully finished, Francis was nearly yelling his reply.

"Don't tell mom! Just don't tell her, keep it separate from her, ok? She can't know... unless she already knows. That may be her plan, that may be her whole plan, make you think she doesn't know so she can trap you. Don't let her-"

"Will you shut the fuck up for once in your life, you goddamn narcissist?" Reese snapped to cut his brother off.

Francis was shocked by the seriousness as well as his confidence in his words that Francis was not used to his brother having.

"Shit, sorry, Reese. What's going on? Are you ok?" Francis asked softly.

"Have you... have you ever known someone who's suicidal?"

"Oh, wow. Uh, well, there were a few guys at military school who had thoughts like that and one who tried. Why? Is someone you know thinking about that? Are... are you, Reese?" Francis wondered, getting very worried.

He passed off what he was doing to one of the other workers and wrote a note saying he was going on lunch and didn't want to be disturbed. He then headed off to get to a quiet place quickly.

"It's... It's not me, it... it's Malcolm, Francis." Reese admitted, his own voice soft and vulnerable.

"Oh my god." The oldest brother breathed out.

He rested his back against the wall and ran a hand through his hair.

"A-are you sure? He's always been pretty dramatic and woe-is-me."

"Trust me, Francis, I'm sure. I found a suicide note, then I found four bottles of sleeping pills and vodka."

"Fuck... fuck!" He huffed and felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes. "Who knows?"

"I think just me and Dewey, he saw me find the pills and alcohol."

"Fuck... ok, yeah... ok... yeah." Francis nodded as he thought in fast forward. "We need to tell mom, and then we need to get Malcolm help."

"You're suggesting we tell mom?" Reese laughed softly.

He knew his brother was right and that was his plan regardless, but it was funny to hear him admit they needed their mothers help.

"Yeah, we have to. I'll get a plane ticket there as soon as I can. I need to clear it with Otto, but I'm sure he'll understand why I need to go."

"Ok, let me know when you'll be here."

"Will do... I... I love you, Reese."

"I love you too, Francis."

There was a long pause before they finally hung up. Reese let out a breath and deflated onto his bed. He felt like he had run a marathon. Before Reese had even realized it, he had fallen asleep, phone slipping out of his hand and clattering to the floor, but thankfully not breaking.

Reese woke up a several hours later with a start. His dreaming had been mostly peaceful before it twisted itself into an ugly, dark mess of fear and worry.

Reese was looking down from the ceiling, seeing himself walk into the room he shared with his brother and look at Malcolm who was cuddled up in his blankets. He saw as his body went over to the bed and shook Malcolm's arm, trying to make him up for breakfast. His body kept shaking Malcolm, getting louder and louder while trying to get him to wake up. Malcolm finally rolled onto his back and the Reese on the ceiling was yanked down to get a closeup of the cold, off-colour, dead face of his brother.

Then Reese was sitting on his bed, watching himself and Dewey come back into the room while arguing with each other. They got more heated before both turning to Malcolm to pick a side. Dewey jumped on the bed beside Malcolm while Reese bent over to flick Malcolm's ear. Dewey shook Malcolm while Reese kept flicking him. Again, after awhile Malcolm flipped over and the Reese on the other bed was yanked closer to get a full view of the empty face.

Then Reese was at the door to the bathroom looking at the lump in his brothers bed once more. He was yanked from his dream just as he and Hal entered the room.

Reese gasped softly as he sat up, looking over at the bed beside him quickly. Malcolm and Dewey were asleep in there; Reese kept looking at them until he saw the small rise and fall of Malcolm's chest. He let out a breath and sat on the edge of his bed.

He ran his hands through his hair while willing his thudding heart to calm down. As he focused on the darkness, he heard soft talking in the direction of the kitchen. He carefully got out of bed before moving to the door. He just barely cracked it open so he could listen in on his parents speaking.

"-asleep when I got home, what do you think he did to wear himself out?" Hal was wondering.

He was sitting at the table with his wife, they were eating a truly decadent pie that was clearly bought to only be shared by the parents while drinking wine.

"He didn't bring it into the house, so I don't care right now." Lois chuckled, holding her glass out for her husband to fill, which he happily did.

"We've almost finished the bottle." Hal smirked in that way that sent chills down Reese's spine and wish he was deep in sleep again.

"Good thing our dessert is almost gone too." She smirked back, leaning closer.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Malcolm says he and Stevie are doing a project for extra credit and was wondering if he could use the garage. I figured Reese and Dewey's punishments for whatever they do this week can be helping me to clean up the garage so they have more room in there."

"That works for me. Dewey just finished cleaning all the floors for that stunt he pulled with the squirrels, so inside the house is pretty good for now."

"Who do you think will break first?"

"Reese, we'll find out what made him so tired soon." Lois assured her husband.

"I love how confident you are." Hal smirked while moving closer.

Lois moved closer to her husband and Reese just groaned before going back to his bed. He laid back in bed while putting the blankets over him.

"Mom, I need to talk to you." Reese told his mother.

She was putting away laundry as fast as she could, knowing her husband would be back from work soon and would need to be reminded to fix the broken cabinet in the kitchen before he got settled in.

"What did you do this time?" She asked sternly, rolling her eyes. "Don't think you'll get away with it just because you're telling me about it. You may get a lesser punishment if you tell me who else was involved, but you won't get away scot-free." She informed him, storming out of her room and back to the kitchen to head into the laundry alcove.

She stopped when she saw her oldest son and his wife standing on the other side of the kitchen table.

"Francis." She spoke with a smile upon seeing him.

She put the basket down on the table and headed over to him, stopping once more when she saw the solemn look on his face. She was used to his guilty face or bright smile when he came to visit now, but this was very different, very new.

"What's going on?" Lois asked, looking first at her oldest son, and then at Reese.

"We need to talk... it's about Malcolm." Reese told his mother seriously.

Lois was still reeling from what her sons told her when her husband came home. She was sitting at the kitchen table, Francis beside her, Reese across, with Dewey sat beside him. Piama was sitting at the far end of the table to give them their space.

"Hey honey, oh, wow, hey, Francis. This is a nice surprise." Hal smiled as he came in and saw them.

He didn't noticed their facial cues and just started jabbering about his day at work while getting more comfortable.

"Hal, you need to come sit down." Lois told her husband softly, shock with an edge of fear wrapped around her words and had her husband scurrying up to the table.

He sat beside her and grabbed her hands.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"It's... Reese and uh... Francis and Piama came here because... Reese found, he... he found..."

Lois was unable to verbalize what she had been told and shown; it was not often she lost access to her words, so everyone knew how hard this hit her.

"I found a suicide note, sleeping pills, and vodka. They're Malcolm's." Reese told his father, motioning to all the stuff on the table.

"What? No, that... no. There's no way Malcolm would actually think about this." Hal scoffed and shook his head, pulling the papers close to read over them. "Why... what?"

"He's sad, more than we thought." Dewey piped up in a somber voice of his own.

"What do we do?" Hal asked in a near whisper.

"I've found a few therapists nearby that will work with the healthcare your job has." Francis told his dad. "They have payment plans."

"And we'll send money to help pay for it." Piama assured.

"Plus Dewey and I have already made some plans to get some money to help with it too." Reese assured.

"There are a few people who want piano lessons or stuff done around their houses." Dewey nodded.

"You'd all really do that?" Hal asked, tears coming into his eyes as a small smile came onto his lips.

He was always the sap and his family coming together like this, even under the bad circumstances made his heart warm.

"Of course, Dad." Francis nodded.

"We need to be a united front when he comes in." Lois reminded them, clearing her throat some and clearly trying to get more into her leader role. "We need to be ready. We can't let him explain it away, or get so mad it overshadows why we're here, or annoy us so we stop listening." She reminded them.

Everyone needed because they knew it was likely he would do that.

"Are we doing it tonight?" Francis wondered.

"He'll be home from Stevie's in about an hour." Reese told them. "I told him we were going to dump a garbage bin full of water onto Dewey when he went out to practice his piano."

"We should, you know your father can't keep this in long." Lois commented and nodded. "He may feel ambushed, but we need to do it now and give him time to think and reflect for tonight before we start everything tomorrow."

"Yeah, let's do it." Reese nodded, his brothers joining in.

By the time Malcolm got home, Lois, Hal, and Reese were sitting at the table with their backs facing the side door. Francis and Dewey were standing behind them. Piama had taken Jamie out to a movie.

"I swear, that idiot teacher doesn't know how to properly set up a science lab." Malcolm huffed as he came in, ready to rant about everyone but him was a moron.

He stopped when he saw the odd setup and the tense body language.

"What's going on? Did someone die?" He wondered while coming up to the table after setting his backpack by the step.

"Sit down please, Malcolm. We need to talk." Lois said calmly.

"Talk about what? I didn't do anything." Malcolm defended as he sat down across from them.

"We need to talk about this." Reese told his brother, putting the notes on the table.

Malcolm only had fear and worry on his face for a second before an easy smile came onto his lips and a soft chuckle fell from them.

"Those are for a project, moron." He informed his brother simply. "In drama class we're doing a block on the classic tragedies like Romeo and Juliet."

"Malcolm." Hal sighed and shook his head.

Lois was silent as she and her husband put the bottles of sleeping pills and alcohol on the table beside the letters.

"Those are props, dad. It's just ibuprofen and water." Malcolm told them with that eyeroll he used when he felt a conversation was beneath him.

"No, Malcolm, they're not. We know they're not." Francis told his brother softly.

"I'm not fucking lying. You don't even know." Malcolm rolled his eyes once more, getting up and going to storm away.

Dewey moved quickly to block the back door. Malcolm huffed and turned to go towards the front door, but Reese had hurried over to block his way.

"Sit down, please." Lois requested of her son again.

The krelboyne sighed softly as he reluctantly sat back down.

"Tell us the truth, son." Hal requested.

Malcolm sighed and shook his head.

”Fine, it was a prank.” He told them. “I know it’s a stupid prank.” He assured. “I knew Reese was snooping through my stuff so I planted this stuff to get him. I thought he’d come to me and I could tell him off for looking. I didn’t think he’d make it into this huge thing.”

The middle brother rolled his eyes and sat back in his seat casually, crossing his arms.

”I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the kind of thing you joke about, but it **_was_** a prank.” He tried to assure his family.

”Malcolm.” Dewey sighed and shook his head.

”Sweetheart, we just want to help you, ok? But you have to be honest.” Lois told her son in a soft voice that actually surprised him a bit.

”Please, Malcolm.” Hal pleaded, using his innocent, worried face to convey his true feelings.

Malcolm got more somber at that, licking his lips some and shrugging. He folded his hands together on the table, his mouth opened and closed a few times like he was trying to find the right words but none came out. Silence fell over the room but for once in their family, they let it be.

The silence stretched on for nearly half an hour before Malcolm finally broke it.

"It was just supposed to be the letter."

His voice was soft and scared, it was vulnerable but this time no one was rushing forward to exploit that weakness.

"Lloyd's therapist had him do it. To... make it real. After he wrote his, he stopped thinking about that kind of stuff as much, because it was real to him now. I thought it would work for me, and it was... for awhile."

"But then it wasn't enough." Francis supplied.

"Yeah, so I... I started... planning. And then the planning was enough, just having a plan in my head was enough for me to stop thinking about it for a bit." Malcolm took a deep breath, starting to nervously pick at his nails and chew them. "Then when that wasn't enough, I got the stuff to do it. That was enough for a little bit... but then..."

"Then it wasn't." Reese told his brother.

He felt the urge to reach over to put a comforting hand on Malcolm's, but this time he didn't stop himself. He reached across the table and rested his hand over Malcolm's to comfort him. Malcolm let out a breath and turned his hand to hold Reese's in his. He felt at ease with it, like there was a lifeline to someone who was on his side.

"It was going to be this weekend, in the garage." He admitted quietly.

Everyone was completely shocked by that knowledge. The reality of it slammed into all of them at full force and left them all feeling a bit untethered.

They were pulled out of the shock by a sniff from Malcolm, Reese felt a tear land on his hand and squeezed his brother's hand to reassure him more. Malcolm looked up, tears in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

"What do we do now?" He wondered in a soft voice.

"We get you help." Lois assured, reaching forward to put a hand over her sons' hands as well.

"We're here for you, Malcolm. All of us, we're always here for you." Reese assured his brother.

"I love you guys." Malcolm told them, sniffing again.

"We love you so much, Son." Hal assured.

"Of course we love you. We always love you." Francis assured with a small smile.

"Always." Dewey nodded.

Malcolm smiled softly and nodded, using his shoulder to wipe the tears from his cheek.

"Thank you."


End file.
